• Family system — Families with poor or inconsistent boundaries may model enmeshment, codependency, or emotional neglect. Families with rigid boundaries may teach disconnection or lack of vulnerability.
• Cultural and societal norms — Certain cultures discourage individual autonomy or prioritize compliance over personal boundaries.
• Personal experiences — Trauma, abuse, or betrayal can distort our understanding of healthy boundaries.
• Attachment style — Insecure attachment patterns (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) can impair boundary setting.
• Self-worth and self-awareness — Without a strong sense of self-worth, it is difficult to assert boundaries that honor one’s needs.

Many adults struggle with boundary-setting because they were never taught how to do it in healthy ways —or because past trauma left them believing that their boundaries wouldn’t be respected.

• Deception and secrecy undermine trust and make it difficult for partners to set informed boundaries.
• Gaslighting can cause betrayed partners to doubt their perceptions, weakening their ability to assert boundaries.
• Emotional manipulation may pressure betrayed partners to override their own needs and limits.
• Hypervigilance and fear can lead to reactive boundary-setting (over-control or withdrawal).
• Shame and self-blame can erode the confidence needed to maintain boundaries.
• Enmeshment or codependency may develop as betrayed partners attempt to manage or monitor the compulsive behaviors.

Over time, the relationship may become a confusing landscape where boundaries are blurred, violated, or collapsed altogether—leaving both partners feeling disconnected from themselves and each other.